Posted on Friday, 23rd January 2009 by Maritzia

Today’s Card: Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups, as a person, is creative and intuitive.  A person more comfortable in the spiritual world at times than the physical.  In a reading she can refer to a specific person or to the qualities of that person.  In this case, I feel like it’s the qualities that are being called to here.  Somehow, my intuition is important today.  I need to be open to the needs of myself and those around me in order to provide the answers that are needed.

Goddess Card: Maeve

Maeve is a Celtic Goddess associated with the feminine.  In this deck, she represents cycles and rhythms, both physical and emotional.  Her message is to honor the cycles of your body, accept them, in some ways cater to them.  Railing against them is to no avail.

So, are these cards giving me different messages, or are they related.  My only question in pulling these daily cards is, what do I need to know about today?  Well, my intuition, as provoked by the Queen of Cups, tells me that they are related.  That I need to train my intuition on my own physical needs today, and give what my body needs.

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Posted on Thursday, 22nd January 2009 by Maritzia

My message to Michelle Obama:

Dear Ms. Obama,

Thank you!

As a woman, I know how much it means to move to the top ranks in a job.  I know how much you are sacrificing for your husband to be able to lead this country.  Professionally, you’ve given up pretty much everything.  I know that the odds of your ever returning to your previous career are almost nil.  Personally you’ve given up your privacy, your right to your own voice, having to sumblimate who you are to the exigencies of campaigning and running a government.  So much of your own identity is sacrificed to that of your husband in a time when women are still striving to be seen as their own person even in marriage.

So, just in case no one else says it, I want to say thank you.  Thank you for the sacrifices you have made so we can have Barack Obama as our President, so we can regain the freedoms we’ve lost, and so the United States of America can prosper through these difficult economic times.

I’ve watched the clips of you and your husband dancing together at various Inaugural Balls, and it brings tears to my eyes to see the love and respect that you two obviously hold for each other, so I know he appreciates the gift that you are.  But I want you to know how much we, the American public, appreciate you as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.  May the next 4 years (and hopefully another 4 after that), be as peaceful and easy for you as possible.

Posted in Activism, Feminism, Political | Comments (3)

Posted on Thursday, 22nd January 2009 by Maritzia

“I made the hard decisions.”  Those were the words of our not-so-esteemed Former President.  They’ve been going around in my head in the last week, and I finally was able to put my finger on why they annoyed me so much (more than his words usually do, I mean).  It’s because he didn’t make “the hard decision”.

The Hard Decision

Hard decisions require going against what would be popular, knowing it would hurt you in the long run, but doing it anyway because it was right, regardless of legalities.  The hard decision regarding torture would have been very different from Bush’s decision.  The hard decision would have been to decide against torture, even if it meant possible  harm to citizens in the future, because torture is wrong.  It would have been making that decision against torture knowing that one day he may have to stand before grieving family members and admit that he might have been able to stop the attack, but chose to do what was right.

Bush Didn’t Make the Hard Decision

The decision Former President Bush made on torture was not the hard decision.  It was the expediant decision.  It was the easy way out.  It was a decision he figured he could easily defend before the country, because it was done under the guise of “keeping America safe”. 

And if this was truly a hard decision, he wouldn’t have taken time to get a legal position on his actions.  If it was a hard decision made because he truly thought he was doing the right thing, he’d have gone forward regardless.  Instead he took time to get legal opinions on his actions.  That’s not making a hard decision.  That’s covering your ass.

Thanks to all that is divine that that man is no longer in a position of power in our country.

Posted in Activism, Political | Comments (3)

Posted on Wednesday, 21st January 2009 by Maritzia

Dianne Sylvan wrote at her blog, Dancing down the Moon about what happens when you have a crisis of faith and you don’t have a community to turn to.  That’s been the hardest struggle for me in being pagan, finding community.  This is what I replied to her post:

I’ve been somewhat pagan for years, and been a practicing pagan for about 5 years. In that time, I’ve connected had face to face interactions with other pagans maybe 3 times. Everything I know and do and practice is self-taught in a vacuum. I went to on-line communities and met a wall of “you’re not doing it right”. Well, that’s one of the biggest reasons I stopped being a Christian. I don’t believe there’s just one way to do things. We each have a path to follow, and must follow that path.

It’s been so frustrating for me because I *like* celebrating the divine in community. It’s the one thing I miss about being Catholic, having a community to celebrate and worship with.

How does one find a guide and teacher in the pagan world when everyone is underground and the only ones you can find are the ones that want to control your path?

So I keep stumbling around in the dark, hands outstretched searching for…something…I’m not sure what. I assume that when the time is right I’ll find what it is I need. Until then, I’ll continue groping uselessly.

So, I did a simple 3 card reading on my problem of finding a community.

First Card: Five of Cups

The first card, indicating the past of the issue, is pretty appropos.  In the Five of Cups, you see the figure obsessed with the cups of spilled wine while ignoring those that are full.  Let’s face it, I have a really good life spiritually right now.  I feel more in tune with the divine than I ever have, am finally becoming comfortable with more feminine expressions of the divine, and practice energy work much more easily than I thought would ever be possible.  But I concentrate on the loss of a spiritual community, when honestly, that community was never very accepting of me (I was a liberal feminist with pagan leanings *laughs*, so I didn’t fit in very well with the traditional catholics I tended to worship with).

Second Card: The Moon

The second card, indicating the present situation, is also rather appropriate.  I’ve always been one to let fear override need.  It’s something I always struggle with.  I think, what if they don’t like me? I know, that sounds silly and juvenile, but when you aren’t exactly brimming with self-confidence, it’s a thought that holds sway over you.  I also wonder if I’ll have the energy to be able to work regularly with a group.  Ritual takes energy, and for someone with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, energy can be quite hard to come by.  Add all of that to being a really serious introvert, I’m afraid that even if I do connect with a group, I won’t be able to maintain membership.

Card Three: The Tower

The future of my issue…The Tower.  *sighs* I really wasn’t ready for that one.  I don’t really want to have a major gotcha moment that changes my life and perceptions.  Have I mentioned that I’m not thrilled by change.  I guess my only choice here is to stay as grounded as possible and open to the movements of Fate in my life.  We’ll see where it goes.  Maybe I need to do another reading to clarify this card a bit.  For those who don’t know the cards, The Tower is about false structures that get struck down by truth.  But what structures are false, and what is the truth.  I think I’m afraid to find out.

Goddess Card: Eireen

On the upside is the Goddess Card I pulled for this reading.  Eireen, who is a Greek Goddess who brings peace to all who call on her.  This card urges us to hand over our worries to the Divine and to practice those things that bring us peace.  So I guess that’s my answer for now.  Let go of worry, what will come will come.  Continue as I have, following my path, and let the Goddess guide me.

Posted in Religion/Spirituality, Tarot | Comments (0)

Posted on Tuesday, 20th January 2009 by Maritzia

Early in January, I did a reading for the Year, pulling one card for each month and one for the Year as a whole.

Monthly Cards:

• January – Knight of Cups
• February – The World
• March – Queen of Wands
• April – Two of Wands
• May – Six of Pentacles
• June – Knight of Swords
• July – Justice
• August – Seven of Pentacles
• September – Ace of Swords
• October – The Chariot
• November – Ten of Swords
• December – Queen of Pentacles

Card for 2009

• Page of Cups

I’ll be revisiting this list at the end of each month to review the month just passed and look for guidance for the month to come.

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Posted on Tuesday, 20th January 2009 by Maritzia

May all the Gods and Goddesses bless President Obama and his administration.

I was at work this morning, so I was only able to watch his speech via streaming video. We tried about 5 different websites before we finally found CBS responding. Everyone else was overloaded, so I missed the swearing in.

Every time the camera switched to cover the crowd, new tears came to my eyes. There were so many African-Americans there. I’ve never seen so many people of color at an inaugoration before. Old, young, middle-aged. And I thought about all of the people I grew up with in the Army. About Popsy and Mrs. Harris, who are like second parents to me now that mine are gone. I thought about Little Eddie, who graduated from Virginia Tech last year, the first person in his whole extended family to graduate from college. I thought about Mrs. McPeters, my first grade teacher, who would never have been allowed to teach a little white girl if we weren’t in a military school.

I thought about all the African-Americans I’ve known, worked with, and loved over my 47 years, and I know that what I was feeling was nothing…NOTHING…compared to what they must be feeling today. This was a day I never thought I could possible happen in my lifetime. And yet here it is.

Today we have our first African-American President of the United States. And it fills my heart with pride that my country elected this man by a wide margin, despite ever-present, systemic racism. And I have hope, for the first time in my life since I first understood what racism was, that we may eventually see an America free of racism. Maybe not in my lifetime, maybe, but eventually.

Posted in Activism, Political | Comments (0)

Posted on Thursday, 15th January 2009 by Maritzia

As many of you know (or maybe you don’t, I don’t talk about it that much), I have fibromyalgia.  I’ve been on a variety of treatments over the years (see my Fibromyalgia page for a synopsis).  For the last two years, I’ve been on a clinical trial using Milnacipran to treat my fibromyalgia.  Well, today the FDA has finally approved Milnacipran for sell in the US for treatment of Fibromyalgia.

For me, this has been a real miracle drug.  I feel so much better, my energy levels are so much higher, my pain levels so much lower than they have pretty much since I was about 10 years old.  I’ll be honest with you, the initial side effects can be a little daunting.  It can cause some serious nausea when you first start taking it, but that passes after the first month or so, and it’s not quite as bad if you slowly ramp up the dose.  After the initial adjustment, I haven’t really had any side effects.  I know some have had migraines and hypertension, but I haven’t seen those effects.

Forest Laboratories say they hope to have the medication generally available by March, so talk to your doctor about trying milnacipran for your fibromyalgia (brand name will be Savella).  I’m sure Forest Labs will be more than happy to provide your doctor with information on the drug.

Posted in Fibromyalgia | Comments (0)

Posted on Thursday, 15th January 2009 by Maritzia

Today’s Card: The Star

Wow…this card just keeps coming up again and again.  I think it’s the 3rd time I’ve seen it in the last month or two during my daily card pulls.  The Star is a generally positive card.  Things aren’t going to miraculously change overnight, but over time, what you need will be there.

Goddess Card: Yemanya

Again, a card that I’ve seen more than once in the last month or two.  Yemanya is an African and Brazilian goddess who is credited with creating the sea.  This card usually indicates an opportunity which must be embraced.  However, just as the sea comes and goes in the tides, so do opportunities come and go.  If one is missed, another will surely come.

I must admit to starting to feel impatient.  All of these great cards keep coming up again and again.  Everything’s going to be great, prosperity will come, opportunities are available.

Maybe I need to do a reading specifically about these opportunities and prosperity, hmmmmm?

Oh, by the way, I’ve had a couple of people ask for free tarot readings.  I’ve been a bit busy, but I’ll be getting to those this weekend.  So, don’t despair, I haven’t forgotten you.

Remember, if you’d like a free 3 card tarot reading, reply here or send me an e-mail.  Don’t forget to tell me what you generally want the reading to be about (details aren’t necessary, just a general idea to help me focus).

Posted in Tarot | Comments (2)

Posted on Friday, 9th January 2009 by Maritzia

Renee over at Womanist Musings shared some (not very nice) comments about her blog today.  I was rather flabbergasted at what some folks had to say.  I journeyed over to the forum where the comments were posted (I won’t link such people here), and of course, the people who posted these comments were very white.

No Whining Allowed

Now, I’m not one to put up with whining (unless it’s my own – I love to whine), and definitely I do not put up with people who are professional victims.  I believe that knowledge, and especially self-knowledge, should be used as tools for change, not as excuses for inaction, and I’m likely to call someone out when they do it.

But I can’t call Renee out here, because she is most definitely not a whiner or a victim.  Renee takes her knowledge of the world and racism, and she tells it like it is.  The problem, of course, is that most people don’t want to claim their own privilege. 

While I have my own areas of oppression (I’m a fat, frumpy, middle-aged woman with multiple health problems/physical challenges and a background of abuse), I am also a product of the privilege of my white, mostly middle-class upbringing.

Naming Our Privilege

I was privileged to be raised in a neighborhood with a relatively low crime rate.  Privileged to walk to school every day without fear.  Privileged to attend a school with good teachers and decent libraries.

I was privileged to grow up in a family where everyone worked because work was always available and was privileged to learn how to find a job, budget my time to get ready and commute to work just by watching my parents, because they were privileged to have jobs.

I was privileged to see someone of my race as the hero of every television show, every movie and every book.  I was privileged to see every relationship in public as that of my sexual preference. 

We didn’t have a lot of money, but we were privileged not to ever go to bed hungry (at least not because of lack of food).  I was privileged to always have wholesome food on the table, a place to live, clothes to wear and books to read.  I was privileged to have health insurance and available health care (even if the doctors were arrogant assholes).

I was privileged to see police as someone to help me in times of danger.  I was privileged to never see my father pulled over for no reason, assaulted for no reason, murdered for no reason.  I was privileged to never see my mother abused or raped because of the color of her skin, or feel her helplessness because she had no one to turn to when it happened, because police were something to be feared, not someone to turn to in times of need.

I have the privilege to pretend that none of these things matters in todays world, because I’m privileged to not have it happening to me or mine.  If you seriously think that you don’t benefit from your privilege, regardless of the types of oppression you may also have endured, then you are more privileged than you can even understand.

Own Your Privilege and Work Against It

Wake up, boys and girls, and smell the privilege.  Just because you’re so immersed in it that you can’t see, hear, or feel your privilege, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.  Stop hating people for pointing out your privilege and understand why they’re pointing it out to start with.  Understand the systemic oppression in our society, and work to end oppression now!

Posted in Activism, Political, Recommended Links | Comments (3)

Posted on Monday, 5th January 2009 by Maritzia

OK, maybe I’m overstating the issue a bit.  Not every fat person hates every doctor.  But there’s a reason fat people tend to avoid going to the doctor.  The Rotund had a very good post back in November, On Disrespecting Doctors that I highly recommend.  Please read the comments as well, since you’ll find many examples of how fat people are treated by doctors (you can see my two cents there as well).  Rampant weight bias in the health care field has been very well documented.  If you want to learn more about it, you can check out this course that was designed specifically to combat weight bias.

For many overweight people, going to the doctor is just a nightmare.  For many years, I never left a doctor’s office without tears in my eyes, usually tears of anger and frustration.  I would go in with specific medical issues, and all I would get were lectures on my weight.  No one seemed interested in the fact that I was sick, much less in figuring out why.  Every problem was blamed on my weight.

And if you tried to explain to them that you didn’t eat as much as they thought or that you exercised regularly, you were usually accused of being a liar.  It took me 25 years to get a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, and I still have to fight to get the thyroid dose I need in spite of the fact that I have flagrant symptoms of hypothyroidism.

So, if doctors don’t like how we talk about them?  Honey, they’re lucky we’re not saying a lot worse.  After the way so many of us have been treated over the years (or mistreated as the case may be) it’s no wonder that we have more adverse outcomes for serious illness than thin people.  Traditionally, it’s been blamed on the fact that we’re fat. 

But take a look at this article.  It seems that if you adjust the dose of chemotherapy for ovarian cancer based on a woman’s weight, the outcome differences between fat and thin women disappear.  It seems that if you figure out that fat women have more blood, so therefore need a higher dose of medication to match the same density in the bloodstream as thin women, that they actually get better at the same rate!

It seems to me that this should be self-evident.  And yet when I’ve tried to talk to my doctor about trying higher doses of some meds because…well…I’m fat, I’ve been stonewalled and pretty much told I don’t know what I’m talking about.  And yet they’ll give a higher dose to men because men are bigger!

Now before someone jumps down my throat, I know there’s more difference between treating men and women besides size/weight.  But do your research.  That’s the main reason for different dosing between the genders for years as most medical research used male subjects (that’s a topic for another day).

So, my point is this.  Fat people have been treated shabbily by the medical profession for years.  We’ve been considered lazy, non-compliant, nasty, and gross (those are actual words used to describe fat people in one of the aforementioned studies on weight bias).  So if we consider doctors to be arrogant assholes, I guess we have our reasons.

Posted in Fat Acceptance | Comments (2)