I don’t want to get into a long discussion (or argument) about whether or not there are universal, fundamental truths in the world.  I believe that each person has their own subjective view of what is truth, and each person’s truth should be honored by others.  I don’t want to try and convince anyone that their truth, though different than mine, is wrong.  We each must find our own truth in this world, and that truth may or may not agree with anyone else’s truth.

Are there objective truths in the world?  I don’t know.  At this point in my life, I don’t even want to know.  When I was much younger, I wanted there to be hard, concrete truths that were the same for everyone.  Why?  Because it was easy.  If there are objective truths, you just figure those out and believe in them.  The are no questions, no arguments, the truth just is.  Except that it isn’t.  If you study science, you’ll see scientists accepting principles as being truth, and a few years later having everything they’ve accepted turned on it’s ear by new research.  The more we learn, the more we truly understand just how much we don’t know.

It took me a long time to accept that we just don’t know everything, and it’s  likely that, in our current lifetime, we still won’t know everything.  That was when I realized that I would have to learn to define my truths for myself.  And thus started a long journey from which I still cannot see the end.

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Discernment: What Is Truth

I’ve been somewhat pagan for years, and been a practicing pagan for about 5 years. In that time, I’ve connected had face to face interactions with other pagans maybe 3 times. Everything I know and do and practice is self-taught in a vacuum. I went to on-line communities and met a wall of “you’re not doing it right”. Well, that’s one of the biggest reasons I stopped being a Christian. I don’t believe there’s just one way to do things. We each have a path to follow, and must follow that path.

It’s been so frustrating for me because I *like* celebrating the divine in community. It’s the one thing I miss about being Catholic, having a community to celebrate and worship with.

How does one find a guide and teacher in the pagan world when everyone is underground and the only ones you can find are the ones that want to control your path?

So I keep stumbling around in the dark, hands outstretched searching for…something…I’m not sure what. I assume that when the time is right I’ll find what it is I need. Until then, I’ll continue groping uselessly.

So, I did a simple 3 card reading on my problem of finding a community.

First Card: Five of Cups

The first card, indicating the past of the issue, is pretty appropos.  In the Five of Cups, you see the figure obsessed with the cups of spilled wine while ignoring those that are full.  Let’s face it, I have a really good life spiritually right now.  I feel more in tune with the divine than I ever have, am finally becoming comfortable with more feminine expressions of the divine, and practice energy work much more easily than I thought would ever be possible.  But I concentrate on the loss of a spiritual community, when honestly, that community was never very accepting of me (I was a liberal feminist with pagan leanings *laughs*, so I didn’t fit in very well with the traditional catholics I tended to worship with).

Second Card: The Moon

The second card, indicating the present situation, is also rather appropriate.  I’ve always been one to let fear override need.  It’s something I always struggle with.  I think, what if they don’t like me? I know, that sounds silly and juvenile, but when you aren’t exactly brimming with self-confidence, it’s a thought that holds sway over you.  I also wonder if I’ll have the energy to be able to work regularly with a group.  Ritual takes energy, and for someone with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, energy can be quite hard to come by.  Add all of that to being a really serious introvert, I’m afraid that even if I do connect with a group, I won’t be able to maintain membership.

Card Three: The Tower

The future of my issue…The Tower.  *sighs* I really wasn’t ready for that one.  I don’t really want to have a major gotcha moment that changes my life and perceptions.  Have I mentioned that I’m not thrilled by change.  I guess my only choice here is to stay as grounded as possible and open to the movements of Fate in my life.  We’ll see where it goes.  Maybe I need to do another reading to clarify this card a bit.  For those who don’t know the cards, The Tower is about false structures that get struck down by truth.  But what structures are false, and what is the truth.  I think I’m afraid to find out.

Goddess Card: Eireen

On the upside is the Goddess Card I pulled for this reading.  Eireen, who is a Greek Goddess who brings peace to all who call on her.  This card urges us to hand over our worries to the Divine and to practice those things that bring us peace.  So I guess that’s my answer for now.  Let go of worry, what will come will come.  Continue as I have, following my path, and let the Goddess guide me.

Post from: Maritzia's Thoughts

Finding a Community

During my life, my belief systems have evolved quite a bit.  I don’t like to say my beliefs have changed.  It’s more that, as I have grown older, as I have experienced more of life, I have gained a greater understanding of what I believe to be truth.

I was raised Southern Baptist, but as I became a teenager, I questioned more and more the tenets of that religion.  While it worked for many people I knew, for me there were too many questions, and I was left with a constant feeling of first restlessness, and later anger.  For me, there was too much rigidity, too many admonitions not to ask questions.  Of course, being the inquisitive person I was, being told not to ask questions just made me more frustrated and more angry.  I knew there was something more, but at that point in my life, I didn’t even know how to reach out and look for it.  Let’s face it, I lived in the middle of the bible belt and the internet didn’t even exist yet.

In the ’80s, during college, I became interested in Catholicism.  In so many ways, it was the very opposite of the teachings of my childhood.  They didn’t hold with the very strict interpretation of the bible that Southern Baptists tend to hold.  Questioning and spiritual exploration seemed to be not only tolerated, but encouraged.  This was the Post Vatican II American Church.  Spiritual exploration, differing forms of prayer, differing ideas of theology were rampant.  It called to the intellectual side of my soul!

And then there was the ritual.  While many Catholics my age were actually looking for the more emotional experiences of the type of church of my childhood, I was seeking the more traditional rituals of the Church.  Before then, I had never really experienced formal ritual (although I’ll argue that in their way, the evangelical churches are as ritualized as the Catholic).  It was in ritual that I found the real homecoming for my soul. Here is where I found that something that I had wanted but couldn’t name.  Ritual is where my soul found freedom and energy.

I remained Catholic for over 20 years, even as my belief systems continued to evolve, becoming more Pagan as time passed.  I must admit that even today, after several years as an unrepentant Pagan, I still have a penchant for the Mass and the other rituals of the Catholic Church.  They are what nurtured my soul for many years.

Over time, however, the Catholic Church started pulling back.  The Pre-Vatican II rigidity started creeping back into the American church.  Truthfully, it had already started at the time I joined the Church, but it was a while before I started seeing it.  I was comfortable for many years knowing that some of my core beliefs were not exactly in agreement with the Church hierarchy.  But as time passed, I became less and less comfortable with the direction the Church was taking, and the election of Cardinal Ratzinger as Pope was the last straw for me.  As much as I loved parts of the Church (and still do), I could no longer call myself Catholic.

By this time I was already quite pagan in many of my beliefs, so it didn’t take much of a push to pull me over the edge to claiming my Pagan beliefs, and in the last few years I have embraced my identity as a witch and reveled in the opportunity to expand my concept of the divine.

Now that I’ve covered the “what” of my religious past, in my next post in this series, I’ll talk in more detail about they
whys and hows of the evolution of my beliefs.  I hope you’ll stick around and share some of your own religious background.

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Discernment: The Evolution of Beliefs

I’ve talked before about my belief that we are led in our lives along a specific path.  Not that you can’t be happy and content off of that path, but that we are most happy, most fulfilled when we follow the intended path for our lives.

It’s a theme that you’ll find in many religions.  Whether you believe that you are led by your all-knowing creator, you believe that you chose your path in the time between lives, or you believe you are led by a benign deity, the idea of having a path in life that we follow is a common one.  It’s one that I think I have always instinctively believed in.

And following my path over the years has led me to believe even more strongly in this idea.  For many years I had a strong calling to religious life (becoming a nun or sister).  The calling was strong and real and I pursued it for almost 20 years.  I didn’t know why this calling was so strong, especially since it seemed there were obstacles everywhere I went.  But the calling was strong enough that I could not deny it and still live happily in my life.  Any time I moved away from the calling, I was–not unhappy, really–dissatisfied I guess is a good word for how I felt.

Eventually, of course, it was my pursuit of religious life that led me to my husband, Mark.  Everything in my pursuit of religious life led me neatly down the path to him.  And I’ve never been happier in my life.  As I said, it hasn’t been an easy life, but it’s been happy and fulfilling.  There are still challenges, and I still have a path to walk and discern, but so far, it’s a path I trust is right for me.

Spiritual discernment has always been a particular fascination of mine, and so I will be spending some time on it for the next couple of weeks.  There’s something about this season, a season of hope in darkness, of trust in the future, that makes me especially introspective.  I hope you’ll tune in for the discussion, because even more than looking at my own life discernment, I love hearing about the path of others and how they discern truth in their lives.

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Discernment: The Art of Following Your Path

Seriously, a Leaping Goddess.  I want this wall plague so, so, so, so much!  I found it at Goddess Gift in the UK.  It’s 83 pounds (which is what, about $120 US or so?), and I can only imagine what shipping to the US would cost.

You know, I don’t wish for money very often.  I don’t mind our tight finances, because we do really well most of the time despite them.  But, oh, I would love to have this wall plaque.  I’ve been looking for a Goddess representation that really moved me, that was meaningful to me personally.  And this one really fits the bill.  She’s big and fat like me, but she’s leaping and jumping and joyful.  Yes…the very day I get my hands on a windfall, this is what I’m doing with it.

Someday when I have some time and energy, I’m taking up sculpting.  Then I’ll just make my own statuary.  But till then…I want this plaque!

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Leaping Goddesses!

If you’re a healing type, join me in sending some healing energy for her over the next couple of days. The word is that she’s deteriorated a great deal and her condition is very serious. It would just be so sad if she didn’t make it to see him win this election.

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Healing for Obama’s Grandmother

I seriously want this statue or one like it.  I mean seriously.

Someday in my copious spare time I want to learn to sculpt.

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Can Anyone Identify This Sculpture

One of her recent posts on Manifestation of Thoughts to a Wise Elder was striking for me.  As some of you know, I used to be Catholic and wanted for many years to become a nun.  I’ve drifted away from Catholicism, but the impact of my years as a Catholic and my study of Catholic theology remains.  One of the things I experienced during those years was spiritual direction.

Regardless of the spiritual tradition that you belong to, even if it is one of your own making, having a spiritual guide/teacher/listener can be a huge benefit.  For one thing, they can help keep us from becoming mired down in one particular thought.  Sometimes these ideas come up, and we are so immediately enamored by that idea that we keep it with us all the time.  It’s not necessarily bad to become fascinated with a particular idea, but if it consumes our spiritual life it can hold us back from continued growth and learning.  This is where the “wise elder” come in.  They are someone who listens without judgement, who gives us feedback on our thoughts and our journey, who can help us see if we are too mired in one thing and help us broaden our perspectives.

This is one thing I’ve missed since becoming pagan.  Without a spiritual community around me, I have no one to help me process some of the many ideas that run rampant in my head.  I miss having someone say, “but have you looked at it this way.”  Hopefully, I’ll find that community some day.  Until then, I’ll pour out my thoughts here.

Post from: Maritzia's Thoughts

Manifestation of Thoughts to a Wise Elder

I don’t know why it is that so much comes to me in the shower.  It really is a contemplative time for me and I get huge amounts of imspiration while performing my daily ablutions.  So, I haven’t had much energy for spell work lately.  With Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, I can work full time, or I can do other things.  Since I’ve been off work for two weeks now, I have more energy and have started feeling the yen to do some spell work.

While in the shower this morning, this idea for an employment spell popped into my head.  I tend to write any spells I use for the particular purpose, rather than using others’ spells.  Anyway, this spell popped into my head.  As soon as I was finished and dressed, I headed to the computer to write it down and polish it a bit (I really need to keep a notepad in the bathroom for jotting down ideas when I get out of the shower.  Hmmm….I wonder if anyone’s invented a waterproof notebook.)

So, here it is.  My employment spell:

Goddess, Goddess

We ask you come near

Bring us employment

That we find dear

Money, yes,

But that is not main.

Fulfillment and joy

Is also our gain.

Respect for each

Is part of our ask.

Not in the lime light

Necessarily to bask.

Still to have time

For him and for me

Loving together

So mote it be

The intent of the spell is not just to bring any job that makes money.  Yes, I need to support my family, but all I need is the minimum needed to support us.  Other things are more important.  Being respected, enjoying what I do, being fulfilled in my job, and especially one that leaves enough time for the husband and I to be together, since our relationship is the most important thing in the world for me.

This one is different from some of the other spells I’ve done.  First, I didn’t invoke a particular deity.  I’ve been trying to build more of a connection with the universal Goddess rather than a particular deity.  I’ve always had trouble with that because the Goddess is usually billed as a mother figure, and let’s just say my own relationship with my mother left a lot to be desired.  I got around that by working with various non-motherly deities.  But I decided I needed to let go of some of my issues, and have been working on building an affinity with the Goddess.  This is the first time that it felt natural to invoke Her in my spell work, so I guess I’m making progress.

The other thing is the “So Mote It Be” at the end.  I always found it a little silly, and never felt comfortable with that particular phraseology.  It’s kind of like “Merry Meet”.  It always felt a little awkward to me.  I’m more partial to “Howdy”, but that’s my redneck roots showing. *laughs*.  But again, it felt rather natural to me this time around.  I think maybe I’m really settling into my identity as a witch.  You can see that from the new blog title *points to the top of the blog*.

I haven’t planned out the rest of the ritual for this spell yet.  I need to do a bit of research before I plan.  But I’m excited that this one came to me so easily.

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Employment spell

I know that Stuart Smiley of SNL fame has given affirmations a bad name, but they can be a great tool towards negating the negative self-image many of us had branded into our psyches while growing up. If you are constantly being battered internally by the words of others, take time every day to look youself in the eye in the mirror and repeat the good things about yourself, especially the things that negate the negative opinions in your head. Even if you don’t believe those things now, eventually just hearing them every day will make a difference. As they say in AA, fake it till you make it! Words have energy. Use them to help yourself!

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Harmful thoughts?