Posted on Wednesday, 21st January 2009 by Maritzia
Dianne Sylvan wrote at her blog, Dancing down the Moon about what happens when you have a crisis of faith and you don’t have a community to turn to. That’s been the hardest struggle for me in being pagan, finding community. This is what I replied to her post:
I’ve been somewhat pagan for years, and been a practicing pagan for about 5 years. In that time, I’ve connected had face to face interactions with other pagans maybe 3 times. Everything I know and do and practice is self-taught in a vacuum. I went to on-line communities and met a wall of “you’re not doing it right”. Well, that’s one of the biggest reasons I stopped being a Christian. I don’t believe there’s just one way to do things. We each have a path to follow, and must follow that path.
It’s been so frustrating for me because I *like* celebrating the divine in community. It’s the one thing I miss about being Catholic, having a community to celebrate and worship with.
How does one find a guide and teacher in the pagan world when everyone is underground and the only ones you can find are the ones that want to control your path?
So I keep stumbling around in the dark, hands outstretched searching for…something…I’m not sure what. I assume that when the time is right I’ll find what it is I need. Until then, I’ll continue groping uselessly.
So, I did a simple 3 card reading on my problem of finding a community.
First Card: Five of Cups
The first card, indicating the past of the issue, is pretty appropos. In the Five of Cups, you see the figure obsessed with the cups of spilled wine while ignoring those that are full. Let’s face it, I have a really good life spiritually right now. I feel more in tune with the divine than I ever have, am finally becoming comfortable with more feminine expressions of the divine, and practice energy work much more easily than I thought would ever be possible. But I concentrate on the loss of a spiritual community, when honestly, that community was never very accepting of me (I was a liberal feminist with pagan leanings *laughs*, so I didn’t fit in very well with the traditional catholics I tended to worship with).
Second Card: The Moon
The second card, indicating the present situation, is also rather appropriate. I’ve always been one to let fear override need. It’s something I always struggle with. I think, what if they don’t like me? I know, that sounds silly and juvenile, but when you aren’t exactly brimming with self-confidence, it’s a thought that holds sway over you. I also wonder if I’ll have the energy to be able to work regularly with a group. Ritual takes energy, and for someone with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, energy can be quite hard to come by. Add all of that to being a really serious introvert, I’m afraid that even if I do connect with a group, I won’t be able to maintain membership.
Card Three: The Tower
The future of my issue…The Tower. *sighs* I really wasn’t ready for that one. I don’t really want to have a major gotcha moment that changes my life and perceptions. Have I mentioned that I’m not thrilled by change. I guess my only choice here is to stay as grounded as possible and open to the movements of Fate in my life. We’ll see where it goes. Maybe I need to do another reading to clarify this card a bit. For those who don’t know the cards, The Tower is about false structures that get struck down by truth. But what structures are false, and what is the truth. I think I’m afraid to find out.
Goddess Card: Eireen
On the upside is the Goddess Card I pulled for this reading. Eireen, who is a Greek Goddess who brings peace to all who call on her. This card urges us to hand over our worries to the Divine and to practice those things that bring us peace. So I guess that’s my answer for now. Let go of worry, what will come will come. Continue as I have, following my path, and let the Goddess guide me.
Posted in Religion/Spirituality, Tarot | Comments (0)
